.

None of Us is as Dumb as All of Us

2007-05-18T12:23:00.001-07:00

I was at a brainstorming meeting the other day for a volunteer group I am involved in. About ten minutes into the meeting, I was ready to shove a pencil into my eye (to detract from the pain of the mindless discussion...)

Needless to say, this "demotivational" poster from Despair.com cracked me up. The truth hurts, I guess...

Blake Lewis Does Bon Jovi

2007-05-16T23:49:00.001-07:00

Okay....I understand that this isn't silly...goofy or even remotely funny.

It's my blog...and I make the rules so I am going to change directions (for less than three minutes) and feature Blake Lewis doing Bon Jovi's, "You Give Love a Bad Name".

I am ALL ABOUT the 80's....so I am loving Blake's "blast from the past" + beat boxing.....

I especially love the beginning....where he goes...."ahhh, ohhhh....shttttt....ummmmmm " =)

In Honor of Mother's Day...a Little Tune from Mr. T

2007-05-12T20:28:00.001-07:00

Happy Mother's Day everyone. Here is a classic from Mr. T called, "Treat Your Mother Right". Show the kids...and enjoy your day. =)

World's Luckiest People

2007-04-29T11:50:00.001-07:00

I just Stumbled Upon this video. It is simply amazing. I feel so sorry for these people's guardian angels...they are working overtime!

On a sidenote...I was crankly this morning because my kiddos were driving me nutso...after watching this....I am feeling pretty fortunate. =)

Technorati tags: live until I die, worlds luckiest people, video, amazing, close calls

Once Again...My Husband Almost Flushed His Cell Phone

2007-04-27T17:56:00.000-07:00

Have you ever dropped your cell phone in the toilet? My husband does it almost weekly. I have no clue what he does with his phone while he is...well, doing business, but it seems like once a month I hear him yell.....ARGHHHHH followed by the disgusting splashing sounds of him fishing it out.

So, we are in the market for yet another cell phone to replace the one he almost flushed. The last time we bought our cell phones, we got those old-fashioned, extremely uncool ones that look like you are carrying a full-sized rotary phone around.

While I stopped worrying about being "cool" two babies ago, it was a bit embarrassing to fish a three-pound phone out of my purse during play dates. You can almost hear the other mothers “tee-heeing” in the background as I unfold my ancient rotary phone.

Thanks to my husband's cell-phone fishing expeditions, we are both in the market for new ones. I want a Blackberry. I am not sure why. I am an artist and blogger. I rarely talk with people on the phone, but Paris has one...Nicole has one...Britney has one. I am in the midst of a pre-mid life crisis, so suddenly I want one too.

As a starving blogger...artist type - I am also broke. Thankfully, with Wirefly.com, I can get my Blackberry for free. Woo hoo. At least I'll look important to the other moms at the playdates, right? Someone might actually mistake me for a career woman!

Check out the site when you have the chance and let me know what you think of the deals in the comments section. Oh...and check out the pink Razr too when you have the chance. It is De-LISH!

I am hoping my darling husband will have another "bathroom incident" so I can try that one out too! =)

This is a sponsored post.

This is Hysterical - Especially if You Are Potty Training...

2007-04-27T17:51:00.000-07:00

Okay - leave it to the Japanese to create a unique.. (and a tad bit disturbing) potty training video for kids.

I am trying to train my 2 1/2 year old son as we speak so I thought it was pretty funny. When I get desperate enough, I am going to let him watch it and see how it goes....(pardon the pun). =)

Check it out....

Keep Your Kids Busy (and learning) This Summer With Science Kits

2007-04-27T17:25:00.000-07:00

It was 70 degrees here for the first time in months. My two year old son and three year old daughter played outside all day. It was bliss (for all of us).

This is the first year I've really been able to observe my son's personality. Last year, he was barely walking and spent most of the summer bumping into things...and falling down. This year, he has shown quite the interest in bugs, dirt, rocks and, well...bumping into things.

My son is a monster. He is off the charts both in height and weight. Please don't think I am horrible for saying this (it really is a joke...um, sort of), but my husband and I always joke that at least my son will be going to Harvard on a football scholarship.

Needless to say, I was pretty excited when I heard about a cool new website that offers science kits and toys for kids. It feels good knowing that my son can still play with dirt, rocks, mud...and other "boy stuff" while learning something valuable.

I also have a daughter who is totally into crafting. I am imagining her future as a starving artist (like myself). They have some great kits for her too. Here are two of my favorites:

Let's Get Gross - if you have a little boy you'll appreciate this too. At least with a kit like this they can "get gross" and learn something in the process. Brilliant!

For my daughter, I love Our Amazing Avalanches and Mudslides
This kit allows kids to create and paint their own avalanches and mudslides. It's crafting..with an educational component.

As the mother of preschoolers, I am often preoccupied with play-dough, finger paint and glycerin bubbles. I am thrilled to find other fun and educational projects to keep them busy.

This is a sponsored post.

Simple Things You Can Do to Brighten Someone's Day - Give a Mom a Break

2007-04-27T17:21:00.000-07:00

Have you ever felt nudged to do something nice for someone else, but you aren't sure what to do? I am starting a series on simple things that you can do to brighten someone else's day. Personally, after I've done something nice for someone, I feel so fantastic and slightly selfish at the same time. Trust me, niceness can be quite the natural high.

Let's start with a really simple (but extremely valuable) "nice thing to do". Give a mom a break.

I admit. I am starting with a selfish assignment. I have two preschoolers. They are fun, creative and energetic. They make me laugh non-stop. That being said, I desperately need a little "me-time".

I want to grab a cup of coffee...alone. I want to peruse a music store...alone. I want to lay on my lazy-boy and watch reality tv all by myself.
I want to eat a plate of nachos and drink a glass of red wine without my preschoolers trying to grab them from me.

A bath would be really nice too. A long bath. With bubbles, smelly stuff, magazines and maybe even a second glass of wine, heaven forbid.

I took a bath a few weeks ago. I used my kids' blueberry bubble bath, laid down and cringed as I tried to lodge a pirate ship out of the small of my back. Ahhh...relaxing....NOT!

Continue Reading at Associated Content...

Toll Free Rehab Referral Service

2007-04-26T19:57:00.000-07:00

Do you have a loved one who is using drugs? Do you ever feel hopeless because you can't seem to either get them to stop, or because you don't know what resources are available to help them? You aren't alone.

Prior to becoming a stay-at-home mom, I was a social worker. Shortly after leaving my career to become a stay at home mom, I learned that my teenage foster brother had become addicted to drugs. It was interesting how a career I had done for nearly ten years, suddenly became too close to home. My job was to provide drug rehab resources for families in need, yet I had a hard time helping my own family find treatment options for my brother.

Needless to say, I was thrilled tonight to learn about this non-profit resource and referral website; 1800NoDrugs.com. The site offers free and confidential referrals to treatment agencies in your area. It also offers numerous links to help you determine whether or not your loved one needs help and what kind of help they need.

If you need assistance for someone you know and love, don't wait. Check out the website and make the call. You have nothing to lose.

This is a sponsored post.

A Preschooler's Version of Fergie's "My Humps"

2007-04-26T19:52:00.000-07:00

Okay - this is another one of those videos that crack me up...but make me go, "geez, I am glad that's not my kid" at the same time.

Don't get me wrong. He's cute...ADORABLE, in fact. But he is singing a song about "'my humps" - "my lovely lady bumps"...etc...

I am still giggling from it. He doesn't have a clue what he is talking about and you really can't understand a word he says...until he says, "no more drama" plain as day. HA! What does a preschooler know about "drama".

Anyway - check it out and let me know what YOU think. Funny? Or not?

Bid on Stuff You Want...With a Twist

2007-04-26T19:26:00.000-07:00

Check out this cool new site: bid4prizes where you can bid on things like televisions, cell phones...and even a brand new car.

Now, as you know....at normal auction sites like Ebay, or Amazon auction the highest bidder wins.

For example, the other day, I desperately wanted a brand new pair of classic, apple-red, Converse high tops. I bid once, twice...GONE! Poof. Someone else outbid me and I lost my classic kicks (I was outbid by a dime!) Arghhh.

With bid4prizes there is a cool twist. The LOWEST bidder wins. Yep. Very cool, huh? So...if you play the game right, there is a good chance that you could get a brand new big screen for your hubbie for $.49 cents (or something like that).

The other neat part of the site is that you get little "hints". Remember playing, "warmer, colder...HOT"? Well, that's a bit what it is like.

So, what would you do with a brand new car? Would you be willing to pay $.49 cents for it? Would you give it to charity? Would you sell it and pay off your bills? Or would you drive around town and brag about the new ride that you bought for less than a buck?

Check out the site and play along. Trust me...it's fun! =) - bid4prizes

A Complaint Free World Starts In the Home

2007-04-25T19:46:00.000-07:00

Can you imagine a complaint free world? "Really, honey...dinner was fantastic tonight". "Uh huh...sure it was."

I am a terrible cook. In fact, I can't even make one of those Campbell's soup can recipes. You know the ones I am talking about. They usually involve some sort of meat, topped with rice, topped with soup and milk. "Wa-la - dinner is served".

Well, it's not quite so simple in my house. Tonight, we were supposed to have "Pork Chop and Stuffing Casserole". It turned into "Pork Chop and Soggy Crouton Soup". "Mommy, this is yucky", my three year old daughter exclaimed. My husband didn't exactly complain, but he did seem stunned.

"Wow, Traci...is it hard to follow the directions on the back of a soup can?" he asked sarcastically. Needless to say, I am ready for a complaint free, sigh free, sarcasm free, eye-rolling free, and gag free world (especially during meal-time).

Have you heard of the Complaint Free World movement yet? It is a simple, yet powerful idea devised by Rev. Will Bowen, who pastors the Christ Church Unity in Kansas City. The task is easy, but the challenge may seem insurmountable. You start by wearing a little rubber purple band on your arm (like the yellow Live Strong bands worn by Lance Armstrong and his fans) as a gentle reminder to stop complaining.

Continue Reading at Associated Content

Mom My Ride

2007-04-14T17:57:00.001-07:00

If you've ever watched MTV's "Pimp My Ride" you'll love this video parody. It is hysterical. "Nothing says mom like bottles, toys everywhere and french fries on the floor..."

Technorati tags: mom my ride, zima, funny, video, commercial, hysterical, mom, parenting, humor, laugh, kids, minivan

This is Why You Don't Let Preschoolers Watch the Sopranos....

2007-03-29T08:41:00.001-07:00

PS. - I promised this site would be PG - but today, it is PG 13. Send the kiddos out and watch the video. It's pretty funny, in a "boy I'm glad this kid doesn't attend preschool with my daughter"...kind of way.

Technorati tags: three year old, monsters, funny video, preschoolers, monster, sahm, stay at home mom, funny, humor, video, joke

Ooo eeee oooo aahhh ahhh...ting, tang walla walla bing bang...

2007-03-28T19:26:00.001-07:00

Alright, I admit. I am going a little nutso tongiht with the muppet show posts, but I was so excited about the "ma na na na" skit that I looked up my second favorite skit..."the witch doctor" on You Tube.

For your viewing pleasure..... (I REALLY hope you guys love the muppets as much as I do.) If not, show your kids....it will crack them up.

Technorati tags: muppet show, muppets, witch doctor, funny, humor, skit, kermit

Ma na na na...do do...do do doot!

2007-03-28T19:18:00.002-07:00

I just watched a Saturn Commercial where they had this "ma na na na " song in the background. What a blast from the past! I am a huge Muppet's fan and was reminded of my favorite skit.

So...I typed "Muppets" into You Tube and lookie what I found!

I hope you enjoy the blast from the past as much as I did.

PS - if you know what a "Ma na na na" is....let us know in the comments section! =)

Technorati tags: classic, muppets, skits, mananana, laugh, funny, hysterical, muppet show, jim hensen, kermit, humor, skit

How to Check a Baby's Diaper

2007-03-22T11:32:00.000-07:00

I laughed so hard when I saw this sign that I almost spit my juice onto my computer. Hysterical...and OH...SO....TRUE!

Just Say Hi vs. EHarmony

2007-03-21T20:59:00.000-07:00

If you've spent any time searching dating sites you've probably become frustrated with "gimmicky" slogans and deceptive advertising.

For example, one site I recently viewed had numerous attractive people (supposedly from my community) who were "waiting to hear from me". Out of curiosity, I clicked on a few links only to find that the super attractive members were "premium members" while the others were "free". Boy...I wonder how the "free people" must have felt.

Sites like E-Harmony, True.com and Cupid.com are always free to browse, but there are hidden fees that they do not share upfront. JustSayHi.com is completely free. You don't need a credit card and there are no hidden charges. They have a quick 60 second sign up so you can start browsing local singles immediately!

Click here to "Just Say Hi".

This is a sponsored post.

The Man of The House

2007-03-21T09:12:00.001-07:00

Shocking!

2007-03-11T18:52:00.000-07:00

Here...kitty, kitty, kitty.........

2007-03-07T20:11:00.000-08:00

If you've had one of those days.......

2007-03-07T20:00:00.000-08:00

Amusing actions taken by one who's totally over the edge.............

1. At lunchtime, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "in".
5. Put decaff in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions switch to espresso.
6. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors".
7. Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy."
8. Don't use any punctuation marks.
9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
10. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.
11. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".
12. Sing along at the opera.
13. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
14. Put mosquito netting around your work area. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.
15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
16. Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, eg. "Rock Hard Kim."
17. When the money comes out the ATM, scream "I won!", "I won!" "3rd time this week!!!!!"
18. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "run for your lives, they're loose!!"
19. Tell your children over dinner: "due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."

Things that make you go...EWWW.......

2007-03-07T14:23:00.000-08:00

The best all-natural diet around!

Sick Notes

2007-03-06T19:47:00.000-08:00

These are real notes written by parents in a Tennessee school district...(spellings have been left intact.)

1. My son is under a doctor's care and should not take PE today. Please execute him.

2. Please exkuce lisa for being absent she was sick and i had her shot.

3. Dear school: please ecsc's john being absent on jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32 and also 33.

4. Please excuse gloria from jim today. She is administrating.

5. Please excuse roland from p.e. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.

6. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.

7. Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.

8. Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.

9. Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.

10. Please excuse ray friday from school. He has very loose vowels.

11. Please excuse pedro from being absent yesterday. He had (diahre, dyrea, direathe), the sh**s. [note: words in ( )'s were crossed out] .

12. Please excuse tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea, and his boots leak.

13. Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.

14. Please excuse jimmy for being.It was his father's fault.

15. I kept billie home because she had to go christmas shopping because i don't know what size she wear.

16. Please excuse jennifer fo! R missing school yesterday. We
forgot to get the sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it monday. We thought it was sunday.

17. Sally won't be in school a week from friday. We have to attend her funeral.

18. My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the marines.

19. Ple ase excuse jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.

20. Please excuse mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.

21. Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover.

22. Please excuse brenda. She has been sick and under the doctor.

23. Maryann was absent december 11-16, because she had a fever,sore throat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick,fever an sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.

Now we know why parents are screaming for better education for our kids!

How to Play the Cowbell....

2007-03-06T16:52:00.000-08:00

In case you were wondering....

The gallery of regrettable food.

2007-03-06T09:54:00.001-08:00

This site is hysterical. The images are funny, but the commentary is even better.

Click the nasty jello dish to view more photos in the gallery of regrettable food.

Alternative Uses for a Laptop - Shutdown Day

2007-03-04T07:02:00.000-08:00

John Travolta Dances With Ellen

2007-03-03T20:11:00.000-08:00

Could he be any CUTER?

Real Woman Vs. Martha

2007-03-01T20:12:00.000-08:00

Real Women Vs. Martha Stewart

Martha's way #1
Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.

The Real Women's Way:
Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake,you are probably lying on the couch, with your feet up, eating it anyway.

Martha's way #2:
To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.

The Real Women's Way:
Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry for up to a year.

Martha's way #3:
When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake.

The Real Women's Way:
Go to the bakery. They'll even decorate it for you.

Martha's way #4:
If you accidentally over salt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant "fix me up."

The Real Women's Way:
If you over salt a dish while you are cooking, that's too damn bad. Please recite with me, The Real Women's motto: I made it and you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes.

Martha's way #5:
Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.

The Real Women's Way:
Celery? Never heard of the stuff.

Martha's way #6:
Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish.

The Real Women's Way:
The Mrs. Smith frozen pie directions do not include brushing egg whites over the crust so I just don't do it.

Martha's way #7:
Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.

The Real Women's Way:
Martha, dear, the only reason this works is because you can't rub a lime on your forehead without getting lime juice in your eye, and then the problem isn't the headache anymore, YOU'RE NOW BLIND!

Martha's way #8:
If you have a problem opening jars: Try using latex dish washing gloves. They give a non slip grip that makes opening jars easy.

The Real Women's Way:
Go ask the very cute neighbor to do it.

Martha's way #9:
Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.

The Real Women's Way:
Leftover wine??????

How to Tick People Off

2007-02-27T20:45:00.000-08:00

Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.
In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors."
Specify that your drive-through order is "TO-GO."
If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
Reply to everything someone says with "that's what you think."
Practice making fax and modem noises.
Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc" them to your boss.
Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."
Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and grimacing.
Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
Staple pages in the middle of the page.
Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise.
Honk and wave to strangers.
Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints at the cash register.
TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
type only in lowercase.
dont use any punctuation either
Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
Repeat the following conversation a dozen times.
"DO YOU HEAR THAT?"
"What?"
"Never mind, it's gone now."
As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "No, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
Ask people what gender they are.
While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
Sing along at the opera.
Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."

The Ultimate Rejection Letter

2007-02-27T19:20:00.000-08:00



Herbert A. Millington
Chair - Search Committee
412A Clarkson Hall, Whitson University
College Hill, MA  34109

Dear Professor Millington,

Thank you for your letter of March 16.  After careful consideration, I
regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me
an assistant professor position in your department.

This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually
large number of rejection letters.  With such a varied and promising field
of candidates, it is impossible for me to accept all refusals.

Despite Whitson's outstanding qualifications and previous experience in
rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet my needs at
this time.  Therefore, I will assume the position of assistant professor
in your department this August.  I look forward to seeing you then.

Best of luck in rejecting future applicants.

Sincerely,
Chris L. Jensen

A Bear on a Treadmill

2007-02-08T20:39:00.001-08:00

Share this with your kiddos. It is really cute.

Home Depot Genius

2007-02-08T16:02:00.000-08:00

The photo is funny...but wait until you read the description on this site.

Baby Mop...finally - they earn their keep.

2007-01-28T20:02:00.000-08:00

Even the Dog Knows His Master

2007-01-28T14:02:00.000-08:00

.....this is priceless!

As a Diet Pepsi Addict...I Can Appreciate This Photo

2007-01-22T23:27:00.000-08:00

The Web's Best Giggles, Laughs, Guffaws...and a few snorts...

2007-01-21T22:18:00.000-08:00

Check out the Squidoo page I just created. I love a good laugh..and bad ones too. You'll love this.

Squidoo.com/bestgiggles

Enjoy!

Don't Mess with Grandma

2007-01-18T16:51:00.000-08:00

I have just one comment...

You GO GIRL!

Thirsty Baby Commercial

2007-01-18T16:01:00.000-08:00

This is pretty cute.

All I have to say is, "YIKES!"

2007-01-16T21:33:00.000-08:00

This would cause me to wreck!

Great Truths About Life that Little Children Have Learned

2007-01-16T19:19:00.000-08:00

Great Truths About Life that Little Children Have Learned

1. No matter how hard you try, you cannot baptize cats.

2. When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair.

3. If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.

4. Never ask your 3-yr-old brother to hold a tomato.

5. You can't trust dogs to watch your food.

6. Reading what people write on desks can teach you a lot.

7. Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.

8. Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a tic tac.

9. Never hold a dustbuster and a cat at the same time.

10. School lunches stick to the wall.

11. You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.

12. Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.

13. The best place to be when you are sad is in Grandma's lap.

Donald Trump on Conan

2007-01-10T06:59:00.001-08:00

I have been really annoyed at how childish Trump has been during his little feud with Rosie. Anyway...this video is a hoot! Enjoy.

PS - Time to get out of the sandbox kids, it is getting old.

Tags: rosie, donald, conan, fight, funny, humor, feud, argument

Saddam's Cat

2007-01-09T20:01:00.000-08:00

For those of you who enjoy...*darker*, yet timely humor.

Matt Damon Impersonates Matthew McConaughey

2007-01-06T20:00:00.000-08:00

Ouch!

2007-01-06T19:44:00.000-08:00

This explains a lot....

2007-01-05T08:21:00.000-08:00

The cutest baby laugh...EVER.

2007-01-04T20:49:00.000-08:00

This baby has the cutest laugh I have ever heard. I've played it three times tonight and can't stop giggling myself. Enjoy!

Free to a Good Home

2007-01-04T16:23:00.000-08:00

The Mother Who Wasn't Appreciated

2007-01-02T14:37:00.001-08:00

Out of the Mouths of Babes

2006-12-31T15:14:00.000-08:00

Out of the Mouths of Babes

A first grade teacher collected well-known proverbs. She gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb, and had them come up with the rest. Their insight may surprise you...

Better to be safe than ....Punch a 5th grader.

Strike while the.....Bug is close.

It's always darkest before....Daylight Savings time.

Never underestimate the power of.....Termites.

You can lead a horse to water but ....how?

Don't bite the hand that ....looks dirty.

No news is....impossible.

A miss is as good as a .....Mr.

You can't teach an old dog new....math.

If you lie down with dogs, you....stink in the morning.

Love all, trust .....me.

The pen is mightier than the....pigs.

An idle mind is....the best way to relax

Where there's smoke there's ....Pollution.

Happy the bride who.....gets all the presents.

A penny saved is....not much

Two's company, three's....the Musketeers.

Don't put off till tomorrow what....you put on to go to bed.

Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and ....you have to blow your nose.

None are so blind as....Helen Keller.

Children should be seen and not....spanked or grounded.

If at first you don't succeed....get new batteries.

You get out of something what you....see pictured on the box

When the blind leadeth the blind....get out of the way.

DJ's angry wife sells $45,000 sports car for less than $1.00!

2006-12-23T16:08:00.000-08:00

I have one thing to say about this one...."ATTA GIRL!"
****

A controversial radio DJ's wife sold his $45,000 sports car on eBay for less than a dollar after he flirted with model Jodie Marsh on air.

Kerrang 105.2's Tim Shaw told the sexy babe he was prepared to leave his wife and their two children for her.

The DJ's wife was listening and immediately started an auction on eBay to sell his Lotus Esprit Turbo with a 'Buy It Now' option of $1.00.

Continue Reading....

Welcome to the Mental Health Hotline

2006-12-23T15:43:00.000-08:00

This is a great parody of a Mental Health Hotline. My favorite...

"If you are co-dependent have someone press 2 for you".

Click to listen.....

Hot Dog Mailed Between Sisters for 54 Years

2006-12-23T09:29:00.000-08:00

(Keenesburg, Co.) - Flora Zimbelman says it all started 54 years ago when she put an uncooked hot dog in her sister’s suitcase.

"I don’t know what made me do it. The devil I guess," she said.

Flora’s sister, Rose, found the hot dog when she opened the suitcase back up in Idaho, where she lived at the time.

"She mailed it back to me telling me to keep my garbage at home," said Flora.

The game was on.

Continue Reading...

The Troubles of Chameleon Moms

2006-12-22T12:05:00.000-08:00

Llama Song

2006-12-22T11:59:00.000-08:00

Okay...this really shouldn't crack me up so much, but it does. I have been singing it to my kids all morning and they love it too. =)

Pachelbel Canon Rant

2006-12-22T08:20:00.000-08:00

Who would have thought someone would be able to rant about a lovely classical song for several minutes.

This is too funny!

Photo Booth Prank

2006-12-20T21:48:00.000-08:00

I wouldn't want that job either....

2006-12-19T08:28:00.000-08:00

Be careful when you are cooking!

2006-12-18T14:39:00.001-08:00

Things adults learn from kids

2006-12-18T13:24:00.001-08:00

Things Adults Learn From Kids

There is no such thing as child-proofing your house

If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite

A 4 years-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant

If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and a superman cape

It is strong enough however to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot room

Baseballs make marks on ceilings

You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on

When using the ceiling fan as a bat you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit

A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan

When you hear the toilet flush and the words "Uh-oh;" it's already too late

Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it

A six year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36 year old man says they can only do it in the movies

A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day

If you use a waterbed as home plate while wearing baseball shoes it does not leak - it explodes

A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq foot house 4 inches deep

Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a four year old Duplos will not

Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same sentence

Super glue is forever

McGyver can teach us many things we don't want to know

Ditto Tarzan

No matter how much Jello you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water

Pool filters do not like Jello

VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do

Garbage bags do not make good parachutes

Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving

You probably do not want to know what that odor is

Always look in the oven before you turn it on

Plastic toys do not like ovens

The fire department in San Diego has at least a 5 minute response time

The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms dizzy

It will however make cats dizzy

Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy

Quiet does not necessarily mean don't worry

A good sense of humor will get you through most problems in life (unfortunately, mostly in retrospect)

People against people who protest....

2006-12-17T17:37:00.000-08:00

This is my kind of demonstration!

I look like my dog.

2006-12-11T13:45:00.000-08:00

Well, actually....I don't (at least not when my hair is fixed).

But these people do...(view more here).

Probably painful...but amazing!

2006-12-09T20:25:00.000-08:00

Dog Vs. Cat

2006-11-22T19:08:00.001-08:00

Excerpts from a Dog's Daily Diary:

8:00 am Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40am walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30am Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00pm Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00pm Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00pm Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00pm Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00pm Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00pm Wow! Watched TV with my master! My favorite thing!
11:00pm Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary:

Day 683 of my captivity: My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the floor.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. The audacity!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released --and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded! The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. The captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe....... for now....

Just in time for Thanksgiving...Don't Serve Green Beans!

2006-11-22T18:46:00.000-08:00

Happy Holidays, Love...The Mullet Family.

2006-11-06T21:18:00.000-08:00

Business in the front...Party in the back, YEAH...baby!

Be Nice.

2006-11-06T21:01:00.000-08:00

This is a shameless plug for my "Be Nice" gear. Click it. It's really nice stuff!

Lifeguard Pee Break....

2006-11-06T20:59:00.001-08:00

I love this! Look at everyone's expressions....

Celebs Without Makeup.

2006-11-06T20:48:00.000-08:00

I needed this today. I am sitting here in my old college sweatpants, a ketchup stained hoodie, with my hair in a bun with my toe sticking out of my holey sock.

But I don't look nearly as bad as her.......

See more celebs without makeup here....

Can you believe that is Pam Anderson?

See, you feel better too...don't you?

For my fellow Pac Man lovers.

2006-11-04T18:35:00.000-08:00

http://themot.org/gallery/d/58721-1/pacmanchart.png

This is why I don't send video messages....

2006-10-30T19:52:00.000-08:00

Lip Gloss Test...ick. ick. ick. ick. ick.

2006-10-30T19:50:00.000-08:00

No comment. Just ick.

Sure signs that you're broke!

2006-10-29T19:34:00.000-08:00

Sure signs that you're broke!

1. American Express calls and says: "Leave home without it!"
2. Your idea of a 7-course meal is taking a deep breath outside
a restaurant.
3. You're formulating a plan to rob the food bank.
4. You've rolled so many pennies, you've formed a psychic bond
with Abe Lincoln.
5. Long distance companies don't call you to switch.
6. You look at your roommate and see a large fried chicken in
tennis shoes.
7. You rob Peter...and then rob Paul.
8. You finally clean your house, hoping to find change.
9. You think of a lottery ticket as an investment.
10. Your bologna has no first name.
11. You give blood everyday...just for the orange juice.
12. Sally Struthers sends you food.
13. McDonald's supplies you with all your kitchen condiments.
14. At communion you go back for seconds.

.....and my personal favorite - you eat left-over, left overs.

Andy Dick Gap Ad Parody - Hysterical!

2006-10-28T22:47:00.001-07:00

Funny Billboards

2006-10-28T20:26:00.000-07:00

The Perfect Response to Annoying Emails....

2006-10-28T20:17:00.000-07:00

This is great. I am going to save it on my desktop and pass it along everytime I get one of those special e-mails from Bill Gates...

Enjoy!

Click Here

TMX Elmo is Jumping off the Shelves

2006-10-26T15:29:00.001-07:00

10 Easy Ways to Completely Avoid Housework

2006-10-26T11:59:00.000-07:00

By Trish Faber

Hate cleaning your house? You’re not alone. If you can honestly admit you enjoy pulling on a rubber glove and shoving it down a toilet then you’re a better person than most. Housecleaning is one of those chores that apparently needs to be done on a regular basis. Frankly, I just don’t see the point. Two minutes after you wipe the dust away, a new layer forms. It’s a never-ending battle and since I’m a pacifist, I generally try to avoid any unwanted confrontations. Here’s 10 ways to avoid the battle:

1. Live in a hotel. It works for celebrities.

2. Hire someone else to clean. Millions do.

3. Fall down the stairs and break your ankle. You can’t be expected to vacuum or dust with a cast on your leg.

4. Always wear a blindfold. What you can’t see, you can’t clean.

5. Spend every waking hour shopping for products that will make cleaning the house easier. You may never use them but it’s the thought that counts.

6. Live alone and never have company over. As long as you can stand your own mess…

7. Become a pack rat. Fill every available space in your house with junk. Make it impossible to manoeuvre the vacuum.

8. Make your husband and kids pee outside. This cuts down on the time needed to scrub the bathroom walls, especially if your boys can’t aim straight. Better yet install an outhouse in the backyard. I’m sure the neighbours wouldn’t mind.

9. Become a writer or artist. A messy house goes with the whole creative vibe.

10. Give your house to away to charity and become homeless. Life on the street will be dirty and difficult but at least you won’t have a house to clean.

Trish Faber is a freelance writer and author whose articles regularly appear in e-zines and on websites. She ghostwrites, creative writes and researches for many clients. She specializes in writing personalized stories or novels for children. Visit her web site at http://www.trishfaber-creativewriter.com She can be contacted at trish@trishfaber-creativewriter.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Trish_Faber

This is sobering....graphic image warning.

2006-10-18T22:18:00.000-07:00

Sorry for ruining the mood...but this is an important message to pass along about the dangers of overdose.....

Click here and share with those you love.

This is a really cool site! =) There are a LOT of Awesome People Out There!

2006-10-18T11:54:00.000-07:00

Halloween Doggies

2006-10-17T21:21:00.000-07:00

How great are these costumes? There are more here...

Okay...I know everything is funny here but this is REALLY funny!

2006-10-17T20:43:00.000-07:00

I stumbled upon this site today...

http://www.zug.com/pranks/credit/

You have to check it out. I found the prank especially amusing because I use my credit card more than my hairbrush and no one ever seems to check to see if it is actually *my* card.

Anyway - take a second to check out the site. It is a hoot. (Oh, and make sure you see the "sequel prank".....)

Sadly...I can relate.

2006-10-06T23:13:00.000-07:00

The suspense is killing me...

2006-10-06T22:59:00.000-07:00

I love you momma!

2006-10-06T22:51:00.001-07:00

What old people do for fun...

2006-10-05T22:05:00.001-07:00

Pesky Neighbors

2006-10-05T20:23:00.000-07:00

This is too funny! I have some trees that need trimming...any suggestions? Tee hee.

Ahhhh....to be a bear! - grrrrr...

2006-10-05T20:22:00.000-07:00

Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha! Too funny.

2006-10-03T00:07:00.000-07:00

DUI Traffic Stop (Reno 911)

2006-10-02T22:48:00.000-07:00

This is hilarious....at first I thought it was real until the Step..bump..step...bump bump! Enjoy!

Murphy's Laws for Toddlers

2006-10-01T11:38:00.000-07:00

If it's mine it's mine,
if it's yours it's mine,
if I like it is mine,
if I can take it from you it is mine,
if I am playing with something ALL of the pieces are mine,
if I think it is mine it is,
if I saw it first it's mine,
if I had it then put it down it is still mine,
if you had it then you put it down it is now mine,
if it looks like the one I have at home it is mine,
if it is broken it is yours.

See more here...

Sorry...gotta go!

2006-10-01T11:31:00.000-07:00

Thankfully, with a 2 year old son...and three year old daugther, I ALWAYS have an excuse to get off the phone....

"Something just broke", "I can't find my kids", "My son just put toothpaste on the dog..."

If you don't have little distractions like I do, here is a *must-see* site that will help you get off the phone too...

"Sorry, Gotta Go.com"

I park like an idiot....

2006-10-01T11:10:00.000-07:00

My daughter's preschool is right next to the local high-school. Needless to say, I could go through a few dozen of these stickers a week. Grrrrr.....

Enjoy.

www.iparklikeanidiot.com

English to 12 Year Old AOL-er

2006-09-30T23:30:00.000-07:00

This is BY FAR the funniest thing I've seen in a long time...

I was goofing around and cut-and pasted a friend's e-mail to me recently and sent it back to her.

HI TRACI!1111 OMG LOL HOW HAEV U B3N?!!!??!?! OMG W3 SHUD GET 2GETHER WIT TEH KIDOS SOM3TIEM FOR A PLAYDAET!1!11!!!1 LOL I WUD LUV 2 GRAB LUNCH SOMETIEM 2 IF U R FRE!11!!!11! OMG WHEN DOES J3NA START PRESKOOL???!? CAL M3 ANYTIEM!!!!!111 LOL

Give it a try... if you have a teenager, you might actually be able to make a communication breakthrough using this handy little tool!

Application to Date My Daughter

2006-09-30T23:24:00.000-07:00

For Dads...

Application for Permission to Date My Daughter

When you just need a hug...

2006-09-30T20:48:00.000-07:00

Let her sleep! (Too Cute...)

2006-09-30T20:44:00.000-07:00

Top Women Drivers

2006-09-30T20:41:00.001-07:00

Don't show this to your husband...

Why kids shouldn't be left alone...

2006-09-30T20:33:00.000-07:00

Toddler Diet

2006-09-30T20:23:00.000-07:00

A must read for moms of toddlers...

.

None of Us is as Dumb as All of Us

Blake Lewis Does Bon Jovi

In Honor of Mother's Day...a Little Tune from Mr. T

World's Luckiest People

Once Again...My Husband Almost Flushed His Cell Phone

This is Hysterical - Especially if You Are Potty Training...

Keep Your Kids Busy (and learning) This Summer With Science Kits

Simple Things You Can Do to Brighten Someone's Day - Give a Mom a Break

Toll Free Rehab Referral Service

A Preschooler's Version of Fergie's "My Humps"

Bid on Stuff You Want...With a Twist

A Complaint Free World Starts In the Home

Mom My Ride

This is Why You Don't Let Preschoolers Watch the Sopranos....

Ooo eeee oooo aahhh ahhh...ting, tang walla walla bing bang...

Ma na na na...do do...do do doot!

How to Check a Baby's Diaper

Just Say Hi vs. EHarmony

The Man of The House

Shocking!

Here...kitty, kitty, kitty.........

If you've had *one of those days*.......

Things that make you go...EWWW.......

Sick Notes

How to Play the Cowbell....

The gallery of regrettable food.

Alternative Uses for a Laptop - Shutdown Day

John Travolta Dances With Ellen

Real Woman Vs. Martha

How to Tick People Off

The Ultimate Rejection Letter

A Bear on a Treadmill

Home Depot Genius

Baby Mop...finally - they earn their keep.

Even the Dog Knows His Master

As a Diet Pepsi Addict...I Can Appreciate This Photo

The Web's Best Giggles, Laughs, Guffaws...and a few snorts...

Don't Mess with Grandma

Thirsty Baby Commercial

All I have to say is, "YIKES!"

Great Truths About Life that Little Children Have Learned

Donald Trump on Conan

Saddam's Cat

Matt Damon Impersonates Matthew McConaughey

Ouch!

This explains a lot....

The cutest baby laugh...EVER.

Free to a Good Home

The Mother Who Wasn't Appreciated

Out of the Mouths of Babes

DJ's angry wife sells $45,000 sports car for less than $1.00!

A controversial radio DJ's wife sold his $45,000 sports car on eBay for less than a dollar after he flirted with model Jodie Marsh on air.

Welcome to the Mental Health Hotline

Hot Dog Mailed Between Sisters for 54 Years

The Troubles of Chameleon Moms

Llama Song

Pachelbel Canon Rant

Photo Booth Prank

I wouldn't want that job either....

Be careful when you are cooking!

Things adults learn from kids

People against people who protest....

I look like my dog.

Probably painful...but amazing!

Dog Vs. Cat

Just in time for Thanksgiving...Don't Serve Green Beans!

Happy Holidays, Love...The Mullet Family.

Be Nice.

Lifeguard Pee Break....

Celebs Without Makeup.

For my fellow Pac Man lovers.

This is why I don't send video messages....

Lip Gloss Test...ick. ick. ick. ick. ick.

Sure signs that you're broke!

Andy Dick Gap Ad Parody - Hysterical!

Funny Billboards

The Perfect Response to Annoying Emails....

TMX Elmo is Jumping off the Shelves

10 Easy Ways to Completely Avoid Housework

If you've had one of those days.......

Okay...I know everything is funny here but this is REALLY funny!